Super Saturday

Memorial Day Weekend wasn't just a nice opportunity to celebrate our fallen ancestors it was a time to take pleasure in the pain of our current friends and family.  That's right, it was Super Sat!  Some of you might ask, "What is Super Saturday?"  Here is a brief history lesson for the uninitiated:  Super Sat is an annual tradition that started nearly 10 years ago when Herms and I realized that due to the proximity of our birthdays we should milk them for as much as possible.  Super Sat was born as a day to play any and all sports, eat a lot of meat with no sides and be as manly as possible or at least as manly as two wussbags like Herms and myself could be.  After a few years we realized that Big J's birthday was also within a reasonable proximity to ours and therefore we should be milking this event even more.  At that point, Super Sat expanded into its current weekend format.  The only thing that has changed over the years is that as we have gotten older (read: fatter and lazier) we have toned down some of the athletic events and added more games, movies and eating.  Trust me, it's for the best.

THE PRIZE - WHAT WAS AT STAKE?

In the past we have had a trophy but this year we were playing for the coveted "Schaudenfreuder" T-shirt.  "Schadenfreude" is a German term, roughly translated as, "I take pleasure in your pain" and it was in tribute of the late, great Father Herms who passed away last year.  This was a victory phrase that he commonly shouted at Herms and I after wiping us all over the tennis courts of various SL Valley parks.  Side note: The championship shirt was misspelled, much to the dismay of Herms' spelling bee champion son, Jack.  I suppose we should have trusted him over Google.

THE COMPETITORS

kg, Herms, Big J, Flanksteak, UtahFun, Troy, and Big Al.

THE SCORING SYSTEM

Each event was worth 5 pts and kg was allowed to give random points at his discretion.

THE COMPETITION

The First Event was the Double Down Challenge.  kg, Herms, Big J, UtahFun and Troy all met at the local KFC.  Flanksteak was unable to join us and Big Al boycotted this event due to the fact that he worked at a KFC during his formative years and has never stepped foot in one since his last day of work over 16 years ago.  Fun Fact: Big Al used to smell so badly when he came home from work that Crazy Sue would force him to strip down to his undies in the garage and leave his uniform outside of the house.  Another Fun Fact: While working at KFC, Big Al was well known for his prowess of sliding the furthest on the grease covered floors.  Alrighty then, now that everyone is hungry let's get to it.

For those of you unfamiliar with the KFC Double Down, it is a 'sandwich' that consists of two chicken breasts that serve as the bun and a middle section of cheese, bacon and a mystery sauce.  The Double Down is so controversial that the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine had sent a letter asking KFC to refrain from advertising this sandwich to children.

UtahFun, who would not be able to join the Saturday events, realized that he really needed to step up his game in order to have a shot at the title of Super Sat Champion.  What happened next is the stuff of legend that will be passed down from generation to generation.  It was one of those life changing experiences where you will always remember where you were when it happened.  UtahFun stepped right up to the counter and asked for a Double Double Down.  John, the kid working the register, got a twinkle in his eye.  "Are you serious?" he asked, "I've never seen one of those before.  It would make my night."  UtahFun said, "Yes, let's do it."  I've never seen someone as excited to be working in the fast food industry as John.  He told the girl in the back to get out of the way because he had to make this.  Not only did Utah have the World's First KFC, we might have actually created the World's First Quadruple Double Down.  It was a gamechanger that I'll never forget.



UtahFun jumped out to a huge lead after I awarded him 10 pts. Big J, who was trying to work off his annual tax season weight gain, declined to eat the tasty sandwich and was awarded no points. Flanksteak was awarded a few discretionary points for timely texts like, "I've never seen UtahFun look so happy" and "That should be the picture in his obituary." Well played, Flanksteak.  Big Al was awarded no points and the rest of us earned our 5.

Next up was a screening of Iron Man 2.  No points were awarded for participation because we were all winners for seeing ScarJo in black leather.  Herms was deducted 1 point for poor parking and Big J earned one point for screaming in disgust after we waited through the 10 minute credits for a big payoff.  Good laughs there.

After an intermission we started back up Saturday afternoon and hit the tennis courts.  The participants for this portion were kg, Herms, Big J, Flanksteak and Troy with Herms as the huge favorite entering the tennis portion.  Rules of this event were: Round Robin Doubles, switch partners each game, everyone gets to serve twice and one player sits out each game.  Simple enough.  Rather than a coin toss, teams were chosen by the old, spin your racquet and let the other players guess tactic.  For example, if I had a Prince tennis racquet I would hold the handle and spin the racquet and let my opponent guess "P or D."  The handle is then revealed and the winner gets to choose if he/she would like to serve or receive.  Much to our surprise, the big winner of the Tennis event was Big J.  Granted, Big J was a fine tennis player in his prime, some might even dare say that he was "the finest athlete ever to come out of Cache Valley*" but the man is now a senior citizen.  I'm not sure if it was payback for the mocking he received the night before for bowing out of the Double Down Challenge or what, but I haven't seen an old man dominate his juniors athletically in such a fashion since Thornton Melon.  Flanksteak and I tied for 2nd, Herms in 4th and Troy in 5th. 

Next up was disc golf.  Again, considering that he was the only one to have ever played and that he owned his own discs, Herms was a heavy favorite.  This time he delivered.  kg did not fare as well, losing his disc on the first throw.  Luckily, as we headed off the course after our round was over, another group of golfers had found the poorly thrown disc and returned it to Herms.  Side note: The crowd at the disc golf course was an interesting bunch to say the least.  Our group had the beards to fit in but lacked the bare chests, tattoos and chain smoking.  Big J might have lacked some distance with his throws and his Fred Flintstone-esque twinkle toes delivery, but ever the competitor, Big J actually removed his shirt at one point in order to see if that would help his game.  I took a few photos but when I tried to pull them up on my computer I got a blank picture that just said, "These photos were washed away by the Weber River" similar to when someone flips off the camera (or worse) at Disneyland while riding Splash Mountain.  Very strange.  Anyway, Herms took first, then Troy, Bry, Big J and kg taking up the rear.





The group then made a pitstop at the finest meat shop in Utah, Sniders Bros.  Sadly, the shop was out of turkey wrapped in bacon but we made do with beef tenderloin, salmon, chicken and pork.  Big J was awarded special points for his fine work on the grill and everyone was awarded points for eating enough meat to shave a few years off of their lives.  UtahFun even made a brief cameo.

Big Al also joined us for the evening portion of Super Saturday that consisted of games.  Board games, billiards, etc.  Big Al made an excellent showing, considering he had missed the opportunity to score points at the earlier events and pushed himself into the top 3 overall standings.  However, it was Big J who continued his domination who came out on top.  Truly a fine exhibition and effort by the old man.  I hope he wears the shirt with pride.  Please join me in congratulating our 2010 Super Sat Champion, Big J.  Kudos to you sir.

* citation needed